Isn’t it interesting how little they taught us at school about intimacy and differences between men and women, importance of polarity and whole dynamics that is hidden behind?
Don’t you sometimes feel, knowing all you know now, would make a whole world of difference in your life at the very beginning? Do you sometimes also feel that knowing all these things is great, but application in real life is missing and you just don’t know how to even start?
Let’s together shine some light on all of this as truly, intimacy in relationships is one of very relevant subjects we still don’t talk about as much as this subject would really deserve.
Men as well as women have so many misconceptions and incorrect information based on media, porn and romantic movies. Often the word ‘intimacy’ is completely misunderstood (comes from Latin world ‘intimus’ – meaning hidden in front of eyes of others).
This misunderstanding often leads to so many unnecessary break-ups of otherwise well functioning relationships.
Often as women we feel, that if we don’t have it the way it is portrayed in the media, we are not good enough and even that there must be something wrong with us, right? Wrong!!!
So how does media show sexuality? What messages do we receive?
It all about performance. Sexuality equals intimacy. Its quick and intense. Three kisses and off you go…
Often intimacy is viewed as just something for ‘making a babies’ or to satisfy men’s needs. View, that emotions don’t play the role. There is a pressure for both in terms of performance. And…sexuality is also still not spoken freely in families when we are going through puberty.
We often forget that men get aroused through their reproductive organ. Women open up their ‘yoni’ through emotions. As women, we are much more sensitive in various parts of our body. Men’s most intensive pleasure is received through his most sensitive part of the body, which is his penis. It is important to acknowledge as we often do to our partners what we wish to receive, but the preferences are very different in both sexes.
Another challenge we are facing these modern days is, that as women in western world, with our pressured jobs, several other projects, children and household to look after, we often switch to masculine energy to ‘get things done’ blocking our emotions that are in the way. The pitfall is, that we are drifting off from our natural gentle, loving, caring feminine nature and polarity between men and women is then disturbed, so often we are finding a difficulty to find the partner or we are staying in non-functional relationships with no spark or passion. Maintaining polarity in relationships is crucial also for man to be able to ‘own’ their masculine power as when we as women operate more in our ‘masculine’ men are lost and not sure where to place themselves. The equilibrium in relationships is then disturbed.
For a woman to be able to open up to men in her sexuality, she needs to feel loved and accepted just the way she is. If a woman doesn’t feel safe to open emotionally, she is likely feeling very difficult to open also sexually as women’s sexuality opens up through her heart.
Did you know that average time for making love in Europe is 5-7 minutes?
As women we often feel that if we are not able to open up and perform within this time, there is something wrong with us. Dear ladies, please know, that there is nothing wrong – its not like in the movies – we are just different and what we really need is time and connection!
Foreplay for us women is absolutely crucial and its not necessarily just sexual foreplay – it is kind words of appreciation, gentle touch, hugs… It’s not just that time before, it can last all day. It is also nice when foreplay doesn’t always lead to sexual intercourse, but just simply couple enjoying themselves, building closeness and intimacy for the sake of them being together having a great time. Women also needs to feel rested and nourished from within. If she is staying alone with kids all day, with her husband coming back home tired and grumpy, its unlikely this level of connection can be achieved.
At the beginning of a relationship, when we are deeply in love, our heart is filled with love and is open. That is the reason why is it all so easy then. In long term relationships, many women know men’s need for sexual satisfaction and so they rather cut themselves out of the picture, their needs and preferences and just ‘obey’ to his needs. This often leads to resentment towards their partner and sex all together.
Did you know just a hundred years ago, there were studies, that woman is not able to have an orgasm? These days, expectations are that women should achieve climax four times if she is really having a great time. Just this kind of pressure poses great turn off for us all. For women, loving connection with her man is often much more important then actual act itself.
So what is the way out?
Awareness of our differences and acknowledgment of how we have it and how our partners are so very different is first very important step. It all really depends on how much we really know ourselves and our capacity to communicate our needs freely.
I hope some of shared principles brought you little bit more light into this very sensitive and broad subject as I believe when we are able to connect with one another through authenticity and with loving care, absolutely anything is possible – perhaps even those things we never dared to dream about before.
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