I’ll never forget this make-over in Boots store. Not because it made me feel special to get pampered, but because unexpectedly, I got much more than just a nice make-up…
So here I am, chit-chatting about Gemma’s weekend sitting on the high chair as she was placing Foundation on my skin.
She was speaking about how they went Shopping with mum, how much fun they had and there I was, for the first time in my life realising I don’t have mum like this. I don’t get to feel this way when I’m with her – I’m a rescuer, the one who deals with drama, the one who is responsible, who takes care of things and brings the peace… Often also the one who is completely exhausted from it all…
Tears started dropping down my face as Gemma started applying mascara. I didn’t even try to hold back my emotions. It felt sad, but somehow healing and good…
I was surprised I never compare my mum to any other. I didn’t think about it – I just settled down for the one I have…
And there I was – suddenly this most beautiful heartwarming feeling came in. It was about my imperfect mum – SHE IS THE ONE FOR ME AND I WANT HER JUST THE WAY SHE IS!!!
…even if she is often the toughest nut of all…the one that drives us crazy – God, I love her!!!
The feeling was so overwhelming, that I asked Gemma to let me go and made a phone call. I said: “Mum, you know, you are not perfect and we all do mistakes, but I just need you to know, that even if I have a choice of hundreds other, much ‘better’ mums, I want you to know, that I would always chose you!”
She cried. I did too. And still cry now as I write this.
Years has passed and my mum and I have the most loving close relationship. We don’t call each other every day and sometimes, she is still a tough cookie, but I feel like I know her…and even things I don’t understand, I let go of the need to do so. What is left is just pure love and the very similar feeling I have with my own kids now…
Years ago, mum used to say I shouldn’t be a mother as I’m too selfish for the job. I was studying, travelling the world and interested in everything but being a housewife. I also never liked dolls and used to swing guinea pigs in my baby pram instead. I didn’t look like a ‘mother material’ to my mum. For my mum – motherhood means to sacrifice myself. It is her experience and she had it similar to many of mums of our generation, as this is the only way…
I got it now and it makes me feel compassion towards my mum and all the mums who lost themselves entirely in this and only this way. I am grateful to keep on discovering that yes, partially as mums we do ‘sacrifice’ a lot, but there is also another way, how we can be, how we can set it all up, be happy and fulfilled not only as mums, but also as women and this way serve as a great example to our children…
And guess what?
Just two days ago – for the first time – mum emphasized, that I am very good mum 😃😃😃 I’m still floating around as it feels so nice to hear!!! 🥰🥰🥰
Love you, mum – always did, always will.
You are with me at all times. We are one ❤️
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