In the pace of life we are living, it can be challenging to nurture our relationships, especially the closest and the most intimate ones that have a natural tendency to ‘trigger’ us the most. When interacting with employers or neighbours or distant relatives, we tend to be on our best behaviour, but with the sibling, our partner, parents or best friend we’ve been friends for years, our worst emotional patterns tend to flare up.
We get reactive when our partner says something insensitive. We lose our temper when our best friend makes plans without our concern. We became defensive when a family member shares criticism. Its almost certain to bring our worst tendencies to the surface with those we know the best and love the most.
While these important relationships have a tendency to bring out our worst habits, they can also be the source of the most growth. In recent years, I’ve made an effort to bring more consciousness to my closest relationships in a very deliberate way using the conscious language to evolve and improve relationship. With one of best friends, we’ve openly discussed the most destructive emotional patterns, each asking the other to offer the calm gentle reminder if those behaviours arise.
These relationships are not only the most crucial to maintain, but also the easiest to damage. Intimacy tends to bring out our vulnerability to the forth. Lost temper can bring up a lot of harm, so the goal here is to enrich our relationships with patience and compassion.
May we listen from the place of openness, not pose from the place of ego. May we challenge each other with kindness, not shower one another with frustration. May we respond with respect, not react with anger.
“Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.” – (Rumi)
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